Reflections Upon Water
by deer hunter
Summary: ShinjiXAsuka. Takes place after Kowaru's death. Asuka awakens from her coma and faces Shinji again for the first time
1. Mitsumeru   Anstarren

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion. All characters and related material is property of Gainax.

**Note: Unspoken thoughts will be displayed with [ and ] for clarification. Also the story flows from Shinji's perspective to Asuka's perspective, so often the same scene will be shown from two different viewpoints.

Mitsumeru / Anstarren                                                                                                  Gaze

Shinji Ikari watched her walk through the apartment door. She was back in his life again. So much had changed, and yet nothing had changed at all. Koaru was dead. ["By my own hands no less,"] he thought. She was as beautiful as ever. A foreign, untamable beauty forever elusive to his grasp; a rose made only of thorns. He realized that he had been staring at her since she had opened the door, he was not aware that she had been doing the same thing to him. Shinji met her gaze unknowingly; unfeelingly. There was nothing left within his ruined frame. Nothing left at all. Nothing but perhaps a hope; a hope for salvation. However Shinji Ikari did not look to God for this salvation. It was his nature instead to look for salvation in a person that he knew couldn't provide it. In a person that wouldn't provide it; a person who hated him.

            Asuka spoke, her lips barely moving.

            "Don't look at me."

            Shinji's ears registered that sounds had been made, but he heard nothing. He watched through gentle eyed insanity as the muscles in her face moved her mouth. ["Those lips…"] they had been upon his own once. A kiss of pity. ["Or was it of boredom?"] She hadn't given him the satisfaction of letting him enjoy it. She had reduced him to nothing more than an object by holding his nose; suffocating him. Shinji Ikari hated this person. ["Then why can I never look away?"]

* * *

  


            Asuka Langley Soryu slowly pushed the door to her apartment open. It was the first time she had done so in some time. The German girl wished for nothing more than to run into her room and lay down in bed; to hide herself from the eyes of others. It was odd, she thought, that after spending such a long time in a coma she wished to hide alone in her bed.

            Her eyes darted upwards. There he was, just standing their, unashamedly staring at her.

            "Don't look at me," she said.

 ["I bet I know what you are thinking about you sick fuck,"] she said quietly, or had she only thought it? It was a pointless thought, for she knew it was not true. He was not staring at her chest or the like, no, he was staring directly into her eyes. The second child found herself unaware that she was doing the same to him. ["Those eyes…It's like he is looking right through me. He knows, everyone knows, how weak I am. I cannot even pilot eva anymore. I am worthless, worthless and alone."]

            Asuka was suddenly pulled from her thoughts, though as to why she was not sure. She began to walk, and soon she was through the door and in the apartment. Soon she was standing before Shinji Ikari. There gaze remained unbroken.

* * *

  


            She was before him now, her face mere inches from his own. Shinji felt nothing; his expression remained unchanged. Her eyes were showing him things; telling him things that he could not understand. He probed their blue depths, but they revealed nothing; nothing but the allusion to things hidden still deeper. He felt her arms sweep over his shoulders, and soon felt sensation. [What is this?] Shinji Ikari could barely even remember anymore. Lips. Again they were upon his own. ["There was a time when this meant something to me, a time when I desired this."] He could recall his fantasies, yet he still remained unmoving.

            The sensation continued. He could feel her within him now; her tongue had parted his lips, and he could feel the warmth of her breath. She was pressing herself upon him, squeezing him tightly. The kiss was not soft, it was almost violent; angry, full of pain and rage. It was almost as if this person was searching for something.

* * *

  


            Asuka Langley Soryu put her arms around Shinji Ikari and began to kiss him. She found herself squeezing him; rubbing herself up to him. She let her tongue wander still farther. ["I know you want me Shinji. I know what you desire."] She moved her hands up to the back of his head and pulled his mouth still more forcefully upon her own. She was in control, she was strong, he was weak. ["He needs me…Oh my god, Shinji, please need me, desire me, give me a reason to be better than you, I hate being weak."] Asuka Langley Soryu for all her effort could not find these things within him. She had been right, those eyes; he had seen right through her. Slowly, unconfidently, she released his mouth from her own. She opened her eyes again, and looked upon at him. He hadn't even moved. ["I'm sorry, Shinji, I'm sorry for what I am,"] she thought.

            "I hate you Shinji Ikari," she said.

            ["Please Shinji, please love me again. I have nothing left,"] she said without words.

* * *

  


            Shinji Ikari tracked her eyes as she pulled away from him, slowly observing her as she opened them again. ["I have nothing left, Asuka. There is nothing more for you to take, nothing more for you to find. Can you save me? Can you love me? Is there some measure of redemption left for you to propose in this world?"]

            "I hate you Shinji Ikari," Asuka said.

            ["Please Asuka, please save me, only you can. I have no other hope left,"] he said without words.


	2. Oshi   AbstoBen

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion. All characters and related material is the property of Gainax.

**Note: Unspoken thoughts will be displayed with [ and ] for clarification. Also the story flows from Shinji's perspective to Asuka's perspective, so often the same scene will be shown from two different viewpoints.

Oshi / Absto|3en                                                                                                          Push

            "I hate you Shinji Ikari."

            The third child felt the second place her palm upon his chest, and then issue a quick shove. Shinji felt his back and head come into contact with the wall. He winced slightly from the pain, it was the first time he had changed his silent expression since Asuka had walked through the door. Shinji said nothing.

            "You're such a coward," she said. When he still gave no response she groaned and then slowly turned toward the hallway, heading in the direction of her room.

* * *

  


            "I hate you Shinji Ikari," She said.

            ["Why won't you say something! Do something! Anything! Yell at me! Hit me! Make love to me! Hate me!"] These thoughts flashed through the mind of the second child, her subconscious barely registering their meanings or their results on the being which it governed. In frustration Asuka placed her hand upon his chest. No response. Asuka's mind screamed. She could feel her face twisted into a new position, that of malice, she could see his expression remain ever the same. Her mind sent electrical impulses down her spinal column. These impulses continued down into her right arm. Her fingers tensed, and then her hand issued a push. She watched with pleasure as the boy stumbled backward, colliding with the wall behind him. She watched as the pain registered upon his face; pain caused by her hands. She had caused this to happen; she was in control; she possessed power. This horrible enjoyment evaporated as quickly as it had come however; Shinji Ikari still gave her no response. The mind of the second child howled in rage.

            "You're such a coward," she said aloud to him.

            ["I'm such a coward,"] she thought.

            The second child turned and headed to her room.

* * *

  


            Once she was gone, Shinji Ikari felt himself begin to think. His mind wandered on to the best way to deal with his current situation. Shinji hated this feeling. ["Why should I be responsible for this? Why is it my problem what others think? I hate this…"] Shinji Ikari walked to his room and immediately located his SDAT player. It offered him escape from the responsibility of thinking for himself. The music was peaceful and serene; Shinji Ikari had an affinity for thinks completely unlike himself. Shinji Ikari hated himself.

            Shinji opened his eyes sometime later to the realization that he had fallen asleep. He also became aware that Misato was home. Shinji removed his headphones. It was his responsibility to make dinner. He had been told when he first met Misato that he made dinner on Fridays. She had never told him to stop making dinner on Fridays. It was Friday. Shinji Ikari stood from his bed to go make dinner.

* * *

  


            Asuka Langley Soryu entered her room and immediately collapsed upon her bed. At last she felt free from his gaze. It was a horrible freedom; loneliness. She hated being alone. She wished to be around many people; these people would admire her, praise her, envy her, attempt to love her. But she had been forsaken by all. Only he remained. She had tried to evict this admiration from him, this praise; she had brought herself upon his body, searching to take from him this ultimate gift; love. ["Love."] Asuka had wanted to take this from him, to feed her own mind. She wished to play with his ego to feed her own. She felt broken; empty. She no longer had pride; she had failed and it had disappeared. She needed something to fill the void. She had tried to take it, tried and failed. Again she was a failure. Ikari either had hidden this thing from her, or he had nothing left to give which she had not already taken. But there was something there…something different there that she did not comprehend. Asuka felt sleep blur her perception of reality, and was soon existing within her mind; a dream.

            Again she was kissing Shinji; replaying the moment that had taken place earlier that day. She saw herself kissing him. She watched as her mouth began to open; searching; tempting him with a passion hidden from all. In her dream the push never came. Instead she simply watched the kissing become more intense. The searched continued. Asuka watched as she began to remove her shirt, pulling it free from around her frame. The search continued. She moved her hands to his chest and began to unbutton his shirt, quickly pulling it free. The search continued. She pressed her bare skin upon his own, letting her actions intensify the kiss. The search continued. Asuka pulled herself free of her bra; her skirt; her underwear. The search continued. She reached down to Shinji's pants, and began to undue the button. The search continued. Asuka found herself on the ground upon Shinji. Moments passed, or were they hours? Asuka Langley Soryu found nothing in him. No admiration, no envy, no praise, no love. There was nothing except the incomprehensible feeling from before.

            ["Hope?"]

* * *

  


            Shinji Ikari entered the kitchen.

            "Hello Misato."

            "Hello Shinji."

            The third child made a motion to begin his cooking, but Misato stopped him.

            "It's alright Shinji. You don't have to cook tonight. We can order something in."

            "Okay."

            "Did Asuka make it home alright?"

            "Yes."

            "How is she?"

            "She's fine."


	3. Shin   Wahrheit

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion. All characters and related material is the property of Gainax.

**Note: Unspoken thoughts will be displayed with [ and ] for clarification. Also the story flows from Shinji's perspective to Asuka's perspective, so often the same scene will be shown from two different viewpoints.

Shin / Wahrheit                                                                                                                         Truth

            Shinji Ikari opened his eyes, issuing a sigh as he did so. He found it almost depressing to come to the daily realization that he was in fact still alive. Shinji lifted the covers off of his body, and slowly stood from his bed. Despite being a morning person Shinji had found lately that he was groggy; stuck in a haze as it were. He walked to his door and continued into the hallway. She emerged from her room at the same time. Her; she; Asuka; hope.

            "Good morning," Shinji said.

 These were the first words he had spoken to her since she had returned the day before. The third child was unsure of why he had said this. It was a pointless gesture to be sure; he knew that nothing of her outlook on the morning would change due to him having said something. Yet he had said it anyway. ["Please don't hate me."]

            She turned to face him. She held an expression of disgust upon her face. Shinji could almost feel his spirits plummet, yet at the same time he found it strangely comforting; it was as if things were perhaps returning to the way they had been before.

            "It was," she said.

* * *

  


            Asuka Langley Soryu awoke suddenly from her slumber. She sat bolt upright in bed, breathing heavily. She found that she had been, was, sweating. ["Why? A dream?"] She remembered now. The dream. She had viewed the kiss…and then things had gone farther. She had slept with Shinji.

            "Ughh. What is wrong with me?" she said to the soft light filtering through her window. Asuka rubbed her eyes with her hands, took a deep breath, and then stood from her bed. The second child knew that it was highly important to take a shower, she couldn't stand the smell of her sweat, or the memory it was bringing her. She walked to her door and continued out into the hallway. He emerged from his room at the same time. He; him; Shinji; guilty pleasure.

            "Good morning," he said.

            These were the first words he had spoken to her since she had come home the day before. The second child found her expression brightening for a brief moment. She quickly put on a scowl. ["Baka, like I need your sympathy….please don't ignore me again; please don't hate me."]

            "It was," She said.

* * *

  


            Shinji Ikari watched as Asuka Langley Soryu quickly entered the bathroom and closed the door. Perhaps he watched the door for a time; he was unsure by the time he was moved from his glance.

            "You really like her a lot, don't you?"

            Shinji turned suddenly. Misato Katsuragi was regarding him thoughtfully from a few feet away. ["How do I respond? This feeling is personal, it shows that I have an affinity for her; I do have an affinity for her. Then why am I afraid? This isn't Misato's business. Does showing affinity show weakness? Am I weak? Yes, I am. I need her. This makes me weak. Misato asked me a question. I don't have a response, or, I do; I don't wish to express my feelings to her. But she asked me, I am inclined to give a response;"] Embarrassment.

            "Well I uh…Like her? Who? Me? HA Ha ha…" Shinji could feel his face go red as he gave his guardian an idiotic smile. Shinji watched Misato laugh, turn, and then walk towards the kitchen.

* * *

  


            Asuka Langley Soryu turned quickly and entered the bathroom, closing the door behind her. She took a deep breath, and shook her head from side to side, trying to get the images of the dream out of her mind. She quickly undressed, and turned the shower on, testing the water temperature as she did so. Asuka noticed that there were no towels out, and walked to the small cabinet to grab one. On her way back to the tub she caught her image in the mirror.

 Asuka knew that she was attractive; she knew that she was beautiful. Yesterday a beautiful woman had kissed a man. That man had felt nothing despite the beauty of his attacker; that's what she had done, she had attacked him. He had known, Asuka was sure, how hollow the kiss had been. She knew that Shinji must have realized what had taken place; he must have known that it had not been a kiss of love. The kiss had been one of temptation; one of deception. Shinji must have felt that she had merely tried to take his life; his emotion, his feeling, to feed her own. Asuka found Shinji's rejection infuriating. ["The dream."] Asuka knew that the dream must have come for this anger. She had taken her lust, her search, farther and farther still. And still she had found nothing, except perhaps his hope. And hope she knew, could never truly be taken away.

* * *

  


"Shinji?"

"Yes?"

"I forgot to tell you, Kensuke called."

"Kensuke? Is he back?"

"It sounded like he was. Your father officially announced that there are no more angels expected to arrive. So I imagine a lot of people will be returning."

"I see."

Shinji stood and retreated back to his room. He looked around for his SDAT, but couldn't find it. ["Kensuke…"] Shinji was unsure of how to take this news. Ever since he had killed Kaworu he had sunken into a deep state of depression. He had been taken by loneliness and fear. He had been unable to face Ayanami after learning of the secrets behind her creation, and he had been unable to face Toji since the incident with Unit-03. That had left only Asuka. He had hoped that she could save him from whatever this thing, this "life" was. He had wished for this even though she was in a coma, and couldn't possibly help him. Shinji Ikari did not understand himself; he didn't understand himself in the least. The mind of the third child suddenly became aware that Asuka had kissed him again. It was like he had not even realized it had happened. ["I don't understand you Asuka."] The kiss had been forceful. ["Is that just how it is?"] No. Shinji didn't think so. A kiss was supposed to be soft. A kiss was supposed to lack purpose; it was just supposed to be in and of itself. What Asuka had done had purpose. She had done it for a reason. ["Was that why you shoved me? Did I do something wrong? Were you trying to save me? Did I miss my chance? Am I too far gone for salvation?"]

"No. I'm sorry, Asuka. I didn't understand. I'm so sorry, I understand now."

* * *

  


Asuka Langley Soryu sat quietly at the dinner table. She was lost in her own thoughts. Unsure of what she was doing, or why. He entered. He; him; Shinji.

"I want to help you, and I want to be with you forever," he said.

Asuka made no movement to face him. ["What? I hate you. No I don't. It just…it hurts,"] she thought.

"Then don't do anything. Don't come near me. You will only hurt me," she responded.

"Asuka! Help me, only you can do it."

Again she heard him ask. ["Leave me alone. You have nothing to offer me; go find what you are looking for somewhere else. Why can't I stop thinking about you?"]

"That's a lie," Asuka said, standing from her chair as she did so, "For you anybody will do. You are afraid of Misato and Rei. You are afraid of your father and mother, too."

Asuka began to follow Shinji around the small kitchen, her words becoming more intense.

"Your just escaping to me, aren't you Shinji? You think I'm going to let you hurt me as you want?"

"Asuka! Please help me!"

"You never think of anyone but yourself!"

Asuka again reached out for Shinji's chest; again shoving the boy away. This time he stumbled. She watched as Shinji collided with the coffee pot on his way to the floor. And on this floor he lay, wet and pitiful.

"You look really pathetic," she said.

Asuka realized that she had made him this way. This was the result of her actions. She had control; she had done this.

Asuka watched as Shinji slowly began to stand again.

"Help me. Please save me. Please! Please!"

            Shinji was on his feet now, and without looking up reached for the table. He flipped it over violently in a quick upward swing. The chairs came next. He swung them crazily about himself, smashing all that was inside of his radius. After several moments of flailing about he finally gave up and dropped the chair. Shinji stood before Asuka, panting.

            "Please save me."

            Again Asuka found the question posed to her. This was too much to give away so simply. This control. No she would not throw it away so idly. Yet at the same time she only wanted it because she knew she could have it.

            "No."

            Asuka watched through calm eyes as Shinji Ikari placed his hands around her throat and began to squeeze. Suddenly Asuka realized that all of her control was gone. Her life was now in his hands. All she could do now was hope.

* * *

  


            Shinji Ikari could feel his wrists burning; bleeding upon the cross. His screams echoed to infinity; to no one. All the pain in the world was his, such so that all the pain in the world could be taken away. It was far too much. Shinji Ikari issued a scream such that the world had never heard before, and that it would never hear again. The very souls of the world trembled before him; broke before him. His sanity was taken; this was his last stand, alone for none to see, and all. For God to Judge? No Shinji was the master of this world; this man made heaven born of nothingness; this heaven; this paradise of escape. Impossible. It wasn't real. Shinji could feel everything caving in upon him. Loneliness; yet all were here. ["No this isn't right."] Visions. ["My life. I need this pain."] Silence.

            Shinji Ikari found himself on a beach. She was there. ["What do I do? Life or death. It's one or the other. She rejected me, therefore, there is no longer a point for her to live."]

            Shinji Ikari gripped the German girl's throat.

* * *

  


            Asuka could feel her toes lift slightly from the ground.[ "Death. This is how mother would have wanted it. Yes.] Silence. [No, this isn't how I want it."]

            Asuka used the last of her strength to lift her hand to the side of his face.

* * *

  


            Shinji Ikari could feel the touch come. ["How? Why? Will you save me after all? Is this how it will come to an end? Mother! Is this what you meant?"]

* * *

  


            The second child felt release, and soon she was upon the floor. He had let go. She looked at him. He was on the ground as well. Shinji was breathing heavily, and seemed to be staring at something that neither could truly see.

            "Shinji!" Asuka could feel tears in her eyes. He had had her life in his hands and had chosen not to take it. ["Was this your hope? Do you wish to be here in this place with me?"]

            Asuka pulled the boy close, letting the top of her forehead touch his; holding him. She hardly cared or noticed the pain in her legs. She had dragged them across the floor and the broken shards of glass from the spilled coffee pot had stuck in her legs and cut her. ["It doesn't matter."] Asuka didn't care. She began to kiss him again, holding him still closer.

* * *

  


            Shinji released her, marveling at the touch she had given him; the love he had felt.

            "What a disgusting feeling," she said.

            "This place?"

            "Yes. Though it doesn't have to be this way."

            "It doesn't?"

            "No. If you can find truth in your heart you can return."

            "I know. My truth… I understand."

            Shinji Ikari leaned down and placed a kiss upon the forehead of the girl beneath him.

            "If I live, will I be able to see you again?"

            "Is that what you believe?"

            Shinji nodded, closing his eyes as he did so, allowing the tears to come. When he opened them again he found himself on the floor in his kitchen. He was out of breath. She was hugging him; kissing him. He could feel her lips upon his own. Lips. He could remember this feeling now. Feeling. It had returned to him. He no longer felt empty. ["Is this what you meant mother? Is this the truth within my heart?"]


	4. Shinnyo   Die Wirklichkeit

            Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion. All characters and related material is the property of Gainax.

**Note: Unspoken thoughts will be displayed with [ and ] for clarification. Also the story flows from Shinji's perspective to Asuka's perspective, so often the same scene will be shown from two different viewpoints.

Shinnyo / Die Wirklichkeit                                                                                                                Reality

"Mr. Ikari, you do realize that the third impact did not, has not, and will not, occur. It's impossible, you yourself defeated the angels."

            Shinji Ikari did his best to acknowledge what the man had said to him. He was a psychologist, and probably a very good one at that so as to be allowed to know about NERV.

            "I know," Shinji lied.

The third child was at this point very confused. He could see it all so vividly. ["Was it all just a dream?"] he asked himself. He had wanted Asuka to save him, and had been unable to move. He had simply sat; sat at listened to the screams of the German girl as she was ripped apart by the SEELE Evangelions. He had been in unit-01 on the cross, and then third impact had occurred. Everyone had become one. But it wasn't what he had wanted, and then he was on a beach; on a beach with Asuka. Shinji couldn't remember anything after that.

"Well good," the psychologist responded, "I'm glad that you are thinking straight again."

Shinji Ikari looked to his right to see Misato Katsuragi looking in to the window in to his room.

"Well Shinji I think that will be all for today," he said, "We will talk soon."

Shinji watched as the man exited his room.

* * *

  


"So how is he, doctor?"

"Well, Ms. Katsuragi, he seems to have suffered a very real and extreme hallucination. I can hardly blame him after all that he has been through."

"A hallucination of what?"

"He seems to have imagined the third impact occurring."

"Really?"

"Yes. Though he described it quite differently than how I would have pictured it."

"How so?"

"Well, he seems to have imagined that he was crucified inside of his Evangelion. And then he went on to tell me that he after this took place, he had complete control over the outcome of the world."

"What does it mean?"

"Well. As far as I can tell it seems to be some bizarre sort of defense mechanism. As far as what caused it, I have a theory. I think that Shinji found that he had some sort of a decision to make; a big decision; a life altering decision. I think that he couldn't handle what was taking place, and instead imagined himself as God. And in being God, imagined himself as completely in control of the situation he was in; completely able to make the decision for himself. I think that once he made his decision or whatever it was that he felt he had to do, he awoke back to reality."

"Does he remember what happened?"

"No, not a thing."

"Amnesia?"

"No, he hasn't actually forgotten anything. His mind simply saw something else during that time."

"I see. Perhaps that is for the best."

"Perhaps. Though, he seemed unable to confront some of what he saw. The last thing he told me was that he woke up on a beach. But he said he couldn't remember any more, and the next thing he knew he was in the NERV hospital."

"A beach?"

"Yes. I think something happened on that beach. Something very important to understanding why the hallucination occurred in the first place, and as to what the decision he felt he had to make was."

"I understand. If he remembers anything I will be sure to tell you. Thank you for all your help doctor."

* * *

  


"He doesn't remember anything?"

Asuka Langley Soryu could barely believe what she was hearing.

"No. None of it. At least, he doesn't remember what you saw in any case."

"What?"

"Never mind. Look Asuka, things will be for the best if you don't tell him what happened."

"Why? Misato I haven't even told you what happened!"

"I know. It's okay. Whatever it is that happened…he doesn't know about it, so things will be okay as far as I can tell. So I guess the secret can just be safe with you."

"Alright."

"Except, well, there is a message on the answering machine for you."

"About what?"

"It's a lawyer."

"A lawyer?"

Misato had a sad expression on her face.

"Since I called an ambulance there is a public record that Shinji attacked you. Therefore you can press charges. I…I would understand if you feel threatened by Shinji staying here now or…"

Asuka watched as Misato began to tear up. The second child knew what she was trying to tell her. Shinji could be taken to prison or even declared insane.

"Excuse me," Misato said.

Misato Katsuragi departed to her room, leaving the second child with her thoughts.

Asuka looked over at the answering machine. [It wasn't his fault; I was the one who treated him so horribly.] Asuka felt that she understood Shinji more than she ever had. [His hope…all he had hoped for was that I could love him.] Asuka realized that there was nobody else that he had. [He was abandoned by everyone he has ever known. Was I the only person he felt he had left?] Asuka then realized something else. [I was the only one he felt he had left, and I rejected him. He could have killed me; he had my life in his hands. But he didn't. What did I do? I touched him. Did I show him love? How is that possible unless…Do I love him? No, of course I don't. How could anyone love that Baka?]

Asuka stood from the table and began to walk towards the answering machine. She was again halted by her thoughts. [I told him that anyone could satisfy him. I told him that he was just trying to escape to me to cause me pain. Maybe I was the only one he wanted?]

Asuka shook her head, continuing her walk to the message machine. [Why am I always thinking about him? Why did I kiss him? That's, simple, I kissed him because I like tempting him. What a moron.]

Asuka took another step. [But, why do I see him when I sleep?] Asuka's mind struggled to find an answer for this question, and found that it could not before another was posed. [Why do I make love to him in my dreams? Why do I look at him when he isn't watching? Why did I hold him after he let me go? Why did I kiss him after he released me? Why didn't I care about the glass? Why did I disregard the pain?]

Asuka glanced down at her legs. Both were bandaged. She had pulled herself through broken glass simply to hold him. [Why was it so important? Why did I hurt myself just to hold him?]

Asuka took another step. [I'm such a coward. Do I love him? No…or am I just afraid that I love him? I'm such a bitch. I'm ashamed of him. Why? He is stronger than me, better than me; he always was. I hate him for that. I'm horrible. I hate him just because he is better than I am.] Pride. [What pride? I have lost everything. Is he all I have left? I could never admit that I dream about him; I could never tell him I think about him. I'm such a coward] It was at this time that Asuka came to a realization. [He loves me. I know for a fact now that he does.] She realized that she didn't have to tell him these things to know if he loved her in return. The second child realized that all of her questions about his feelings toward her had been answered. He did love her. [Do I love him?"]

Asuka now stood before the answering machine. It blinked at her, indicating there was one message to be played. She watched it for a time, and then reached her hand down to it. Asuka found that she couldn't press play. The second child instead reached to the left and pressed delete.

* * *

  


Shinji Ikari watched as trees and other scenery flew by as he rode home in his guardian's car. Shinji's mind found itself strangely lighted, as if something that had long weighed upon him had been lifted. Despite this feeling of elation however, the third child still found that his memory was fractured. He could remember almost nothing of the previous day; nothing but the "dream."

Shinji had asked Misato what happened but she seemed evasive, saying only that he had "passed out on the kitchen floor." The response had seemed reasonable enough to him despite the tone of its deliverance, so Shinji had simply left it at that.

 Minutes later the third child found himself climbing the stairs to his apartment home. Upon entering the building he headed immediately towards the comfort of his room. He didn't quite make it.

* * *

  


Asuka Langley Soryu managed the courage to speak up just before he entered his room.

"Are you okay?"

The second child could almost feel herself trembling as she asked her question. She was showing concern. Even worse, she was showing concern for Shinji Ikari. Asuka hoped to God that he could not tell.

* * *

  


"Are you okay?"

[What?] Shinji Ikari turned to see his red headed roommate behind him. [Did she just ask if I was alright?] Shinji found himself quite shocked at these words. He examined her face, but found nothing but the confidence that normally presided there. It took Shinji another moment to realize that this expression had been absent upon the face of the second child for quite some time. Shinji found himself strangely enthused by the appearance of her old demeanor.

"Yah, I'm alright," he said, "Though from what I hear I must have really freaked out yesterday."

Shinji gave a smile after saying this. With the return of Asuka's old look he felt he wanted to express happiness. Somewhere deep down Shinji wished to return to the days when they had first met, before all of the horrible things had happened. Things had been simpler then. She had been arrogant and proud, and gorgeous. He had been shy and boring, yet looking back Shinji sensed that it had been the happiest time of his life.

* * *

  


"Yah, I'm alright," Shinji said, "Though from what I hear I must have really freaked out yesterday."

Asuka Langley Soryu suddenly felt as if she wanted to hit him as he flashed her an idiotic smile. [How can you possibly be smiling?] It took Asuka another moment to recall that Shinji remembered nothing of the previous day's events.

"Well I'm…[say glad to hear it say glad to hear it say glad to hear it say glad to hear it] sorry you didn't have to stay at the hospital longer, it was nice having you out of here [don't add baka don't add baka don't add baka don't add baka] baka."

[Damn it. I hate this. I'm so stupid.]

* * *

  


"Well I'm sorry you didn't have to stay at the hospital longer, it was nice having you out of here baka," she said.

Shinji Ikari felt no sting from these words; he was used to them and their like. And in truth, Shinji felt for the most part as if they meant nothing, though he knew she was probably telling him the truth. [She always was brutally honest.]

"Well I'm sorry to disappoint you," Shinji said with a sad eyed smile.

* * *

  


"Well I'm sorry to disappoint you," Shinji said.

There was that smile again. Asuka felt as if she no longer even had the power to hurt him, while, at the same time, feeling as if she would never have the courage to love him either.


	5. Shouheki   Absperrung

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion. All characters and related material is owned by Gainax

***Note: Thoughts are displayed with [and]. Also, often times a scene is shown from two different perspectives. This will only occur between certain characters, such as Shinji and Asuka.

Shouheki / Absperrung                                                                                                                               Barriers

            Shinji Ikari tried his best to concentrate on the music flowing from his SDAT player. He found that he was struggling; it was becoming harder for him to push his thoughts from his mind. The escape that usually came was absent. Shinji sighed, and sat up on his bed. He hadn't yet left his room, though it was already about 1:00 pm. Shinji knew that tomorrow he would return to school, and the mixture of emotions stirring within his mind bothered him. Shinji hated to thinking about it. He wished he didn't have to deal with what would take place when he saw everyone again. Toji…Shinji knew that he had been too frightened to visit his friend after what had happened with Unit-03. What did Toji think of him now? Kensuke…Shinji missed him greatly, yet he had not called him when he had been forced to leave the city during the destruction of the angels. The fear. He had been afraid of causing Kensuke pain by trying to enter into his life again. Shinji was unsure of why Kensuke would want to hear from him again. This was fundamentally related to the third child's almost nonexistent self worth. Asuka[…longing…fear…pain…beauty…touch…sensation…feeling…hurt…love…] Shinji turned up the volume on his SDAT.

* * *

  


            Asuka Langley Soryu found herself clouded by confusion and depression. The day was bright and beautiful, but the effect seemed unable to spill over into the mind of the second child.

            "Shinji…"

            [I hate this].

* * *

  


            Toji Suzahara slowly flexed his left arm, feeling the cold sensation where the metal met his shoulder blade. He watched silently as his prosthetic fingers moved up and down. It seemed almost robotic. In fact, Toji Suzahara felt less than human. He glanced down at his leg. It was concealed by his pants, of course, but he could still hate it easily enough.

* * *

  


            Hikari Horaki dropped the last box upon the floor. This was it. With this last box unpacked she would be completely moved in to her new apartment. She took a deep breath and collapsed upon her bed. Her eyes gazed upon an unfamiliar ceiling, though her thoughts were elsewhere. She was excited to return to school again; she had sorely missed her class rep duties. They were one of two things that provided the young girl comfort. The other was the fourth child, though this was a different kind of comfort entirely. This was the kind of comfort that made your heart flutter and your pulse quicken. It was comfort born from the absolute discomfort of being around a person of the opposite sex. In fact there was almost nothing satisfying about it. It was longing; longing and sadness. Toji had been injured, and she knew that he would never be the same again.  Hikari wished she could see him; she wished she could have been with him as he sat alone for those long hours in the hospital; she wished she could have just left her family behind when they had fled Tokyo 3. But that wasn't right; no, that wasn't right at all for a fourteen year old girl to be doing.

* * *

  


             Asuka Langley Soryu found her eyes drawn to an unread email message on her account. She opened the link and found a message awaiting her. It was from Hikari Horaki, and had her new phone number and address. Asuka could her spirits rise immediately, and left her room to find a phone.

* * *

  


            Toji Suzahara found himself dreading what tomorrow would bring. School. Though he was no longer dreading it for the usual reasons a young boy would. [I have to see everyone again. I will have to face them all. Shinji, Kensuke, Asuka, …Hikari]. Toji could picture them in his mind; he could see their stares, their looks of pity. Toji hated pity. He hated feeling weak; being different. Everyone was always looking at him. They tried to conceal it, of course, but he could tell. They would cough, or look away as he turned to them. They would always act nice to him; sickeningly nice. Toji glanced at his arm. [I hate this]. Toji swung his fist into his bedroom wall, feeling the slight delay in reaction, as well as the soft whir. It was quiet, very quiet, but it was still there. He could still here the sounds of the machine working; to Toji Suzahara it seemed to only get louder every time. The pain from the blow was what came next. It always came last. The pain was always a moment after the contact, and it never hurt as much as Toji hoped it would.

            Toji pulled his arm back from the wall and examined it. [It won't ever bleed either] he thought. The fourth child could see the label clearly. Of all the things he hated, he surely hated it the most. It wasn't that large really, perhaps 2 inches horizontally and an inch vertically. It was a small metal square just below where his hand met his wrist. It had an identification number as well as a black barcode imprinted upon it. His arm might have looked completely normal, the others might never have even noticed, if it were not for those small black lines.

* * *

  


            "So, Asuka, how have you been?" Hikari asked as brightly as she could. She found that acting happy sometimes made the truth hurt less.

            "I've been alright I guess. I don't know, things are different now that the angels are gone."

            "You must be so relieved."

            "I suppose."

            Hikari could easily sense the strangeness in her friend's tone. She was both concerned and excited at the same time. Talking about how others felt and trying to help them helped to push her thoughts from her own problems.

            "Is their something going on with Shinji?"

            "What! No way! What are you talking about?"

            Hikari Horaki knew that when dealing with Asuka Langley Soryu, an outburst such as the one she had just heard almost always indicated a correct guess.

            "Oh come one Asuka. I know you like him."

            "That is absolutely not true."

            More denial. [Why must we always deny our feelings? Is it so wrong to enjoy the presence of another?] Hikari Horaki could sense instinctively that Asuka harbored feelings for Shinji, though she knew that the German girl would never admit it. Such was how things worked. Perhaps on a subconscious level the brown haired Japanese girl knew that she herself tried to escape her own feelings. She felt confined by moral obligations and rules. It was simply easier to listen to Asuka and give advice about Shinji; at least, it was easier than taking the next step and actually admitting her feelings to Toji.

* * *

  


            Kensuke Aida found himself smiling, and he knew precisely why. He was home; he was back in Tokyo-3, the most advanced militarily protected city in the entire world. And of course he was excited to see his friends again as well, no matter what shape they happened to be in. Kensuke was a natural optimist, and the way he was feeling today demonstrated nothing to the contrary.

* * *

  


            Rei Ayanami found herself in total darkness. All of her lights were off, all of her shades were drawn, and she had made no effort to change this. In fact, she had not yet moved from where she had awoken on her bed. [Why? What purpose exists for me now?]

            The first child found herself at a loss for meaning. The angels were gone, and she realized now that the commander had been using her. [What do I have left? Why cant I feel? What meaning is there for my life now?]

            Tears. She had cried them. [Why? What does that mean? Is it sadness? But why…why am I sad?]

* * *

  


            Shinji Ikari emerged from his room, his thoughts pounding in his ears. His music had provided him with no comfort, though he did not know why. [My name?"] Shinji had heard it mentioned from somewhere beyond the living room. He walked down the hallway and glanced into the kitchen. Asuka was there, her back facing toward him. She was talking on the phone. She must have heard him enter, for she immediately turned around with a disgusted look on her face.

            "You weren't listening were you?" She said.

* * *

  


            Asuka Langley Soryu ceased her conversation immediately when she realized that Shinji Ikari was behind her, putting on a scowl as she did so. [Did he hear me say anything about him?] The second child suddenly found that she could not recall what had been said of him, good or bad. [find out].

            "You weren't listening were you?" Asuka said.

* * *

  


            [Listening?] Shinji Ikari came to the realization that he had not been paying attention to what Asuka had been saying on the phone, his words had been drowned out by the sounds of his own mind engulfing his consciousness.

            "No, I wasn't listening."

* * *

  


            Asuka found her mind screaming with potential excuses for whatever it was that she had said as she waited for his response.

            "No, I wasn't listening."

            Asuka breathed an inner sigh. [safety. I am safe from his judgment and his opinion. Why are you still standing here? What do you see? Go away. I don't want you hear. I'm such a coward].

            "Umm, are you just planning on standing there and staring at me all day?" Asuka said.

            "I'm sorry," Shinji said, as he turned from her gaze and left.

* * *

  


            "I'm sorry," Shinji heard himself say as he turned from her image. Somewhere inside of himself he sensed that he wanted to say more, yet nothing else had come to him. [and even if it had, would I have said it?] Shinji suddenly felt trapped within himself; held back by the self imposed barriers of his thoughts.


	6. Kega   Verletzen

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion. All characters and other affiliated material is the property of Gainax.

Thoughts are displayed with [and].

Kega / Verletzen                                                                                                             Hurt        

Shinji Ikari took a step off of the curb and found himself on the black pavement of his street. It was 7:45 AM and he was tired. Today would be the day he returned to school. Shinji took another step across the street, looking up at the sky as he did so. It was a sunny day. [It is a good day to die]

* * *

  


Asuka Langley Soryu slowly stepped off of the apartment stair case and found herself on the sidewalk. Noise. [What?] Noise. Asuka looked out to the street. Shinji was standing in the middle of the road, staring up at the sky. There was a car coming around the corner. It was moving quickly; the driver was fixing her hair. [Shinji move!] There wasn't time. [Decision. Make one.]

Asuka broke into a sprint and soon found that she had leapt forward. Her hands met cloth, and soon her weight met that of the third child's. She could feel her ears scream suddenly inside of her skull. The car horn was blaring. [pain] Asuka felt her left leg strike the front of the oncoming car, and then she felt herself hit the pavement. [Shinji? are you alright?] She was on top of him. [my eyes] They were working. Shinji was fine; he had not been injured. [he is fine. I am thankful. I am injured. Tears. Pain. This pain is my own].

* * *

  


Shinji Ikari stared into the eyes of the girl above him. He could not understand what he saw there. The sheer amount of conflicting emotions displayed there confounded him. Her expression was filled with pain. Her face was red.  Her lip was quivering. She was breathing hard, as if she was using all of her will to hold something inside. Shinji watched her eyes close as the tears came. They dripped upon his face, and ran down his cheeks onto his neck and shirt.

"Asuka!" Shinji could feel his own tears begin to fall.

"Shinji…my leg," she said. [it hurts] she thought. Her mind was filled with pain.

Shinji Ikari slowly rolled the red headed girl off of him, resting her head on the black ground. He could see out of the corner of his eye the car that had hit her. The woman was talking frantically into a cellular phone. Then he saw her leg. It was bleeding slightly; the red liquid seeping past the bandages placed on her healing cut wounds. [Those cuts. Where did they come from?] Shinji pushed the thought from his mind and tried to focus on what was going on in front of him. [Her leg]. It didn't look bad. The car must have only nicked her. [The woman in the car. She is approaching]. Shinji looked up from the body of the second child to the frantic woman coming towards him.

"Oh my god I am so, so, sorry!" She said.

[Why?] Shinji thought after hearing her statement.

"It was my fault. Don't worry," Shinji said.

"I called an ambulance on my cell…"

Shinji nodded, as the woman continued.

"…How bad is it?"

"I don't think it's bad. But I really don't know."

Shinji watched as the woman glanced at Asuka's hurt foot. The woman was noticeably discomforted at seeing her victim upon the ground. Her mouth began to move, as if she was making an effort to say something, but instead she turned and walked a few feet away to a nearby bench. She leaned over and placed her face in her open hands.

* * *

  


Shinji Ikari entered the kitchen of his apartment. He quickly opened the fridge and began to shift its contents. The ambulance had arrived quickly, and Asuka was not even taken to the hospital. The paramedics had quickly put her leg in a splint, provided Asuka with a pair of crutches, and advised that she go easy on her ankle for a week or two. Shinji sighed after finding nothing appetizing, and walked cautiously, quietly, out into the living room.

"There's no sense sneaking around like that. I'm not asleep."

"Oh," Shinji said as he turned to look at the red head laying on the couch.

"Shinji?"

"Yes."

"Could you come sit here for a moment."

Asuka motioned with her hand to the portion of the couch not occupied by her person. Shinji's eyes followed the movement, while his mind comprehended it. [why? Why do you wish for me to be near? You hate me. I hate myself. I am hated]. Shinji cautiously sat on the couch. Silence followed. [silence. This is awkward. I feel as if I should say something. I don't know what to say. I never know what to say. I hate this about myself.]

"Shinji?"

[respond]

"Yes?" he said.

"What were you doing in the street? You were just standing there."

[I don't know.] Shinji thought. [It was just…a good day to die]

"I don't know," Shinji said.

[Is that true?] Shinji thought. [Was I looking for death? No…]

"Asuka, why did you save me?"

* * *

  


Asuka Langley Soryu caught the gaze of the third child in her own, his question echoing in her mind. "Asuka, why did you save me?"

[Shinji…did you really think that I wouldn't have tried to save you?]

"Why wouldn't I try and save you?" She said.

"I don't know. Why would you?" Shinji said.

Asuka still held his gaze, though, now, she was beginning to become frightened by what she saw there. In truth the question posed to her was fundamentally a very simple one. [why would I save Shinji Ikari from dying?]. Asuka again found herself confronted by her feelings; again she felt the rumble of her pride.

"I…don't know.

Asuka watched the pain register upon his features as if he had suffered a hideous blow. Or had his features changed at all? [Was he hoping that I would say something else. Is he just used to rejection? Does he even care if he lives or dies?].

Asuka watched as Shinji slowly turned from her and began to walk away. The second child felt a horrible wave of sadness hit her. [you do love me, don't you? Am I sending you away? I'm sorry]. Silence pervaded the entire apartment as her thoughts raced. [Stop apologizing. You're Asuka Langley Soryu. Do something].

"Shinji…don't go."


	7. Okibi   Anzuenden

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion. All characters and other related materials is the property of Gainax

All thoughts are displayed with [and] for ease of clarification.

Okibi   /   Anzuenden                                                                                                                      Fire

            "Rei?"

            The first child turned slowly; uncaringly; unfeelingly, towards the words issued at her.

            "Yes," She said, the monotone of her voice sliding softly from her throat. She could clearly see Kensuke Aida approaching her.

            "Um...[greet her first, then ask about Shinji] How are you Rei?"

            Rei Ayanami stared back at the brown haired boy coldly.

            "Why?"

            The first child honestly found that she had no idea why someone would possibly care how she was feeling. It was utterly pointless. Yet, at the same time, here it was; here it was laid out before her. She watched as the boy put on an awkward expression at her response.

            "Why?" Kensuke said laughing, "Why not?"

            [This is humor, is it not? Is he laughing at me? No. Or…yes?] Rei thought. Unknown to her, her face was now showing a confused smile. It was an automatic and natural reaction. The first child found that she had no control when it took place, it merely happened because of what she was feeling. It displayed what she was feeling. [Why? Why am I feeling? Am I different now? Am I different after the destruction of unit-00?] More chuckling from the boy pulled Rei from her thoughts again.

            "Its good to see that you've lightened up some Rei," Kensuke said.

            [I have?] Rei thought.

            "What do you mean?" Rei asked.

            "Your smiling, Rei."

            "Smiling…do you like it when I smile?"

            Rei watched as Kensuke gave her a strange look.

            "Of course. Smiling is always good."

            [Man this girl is so weird] Kensuke thought. [Weird, but pretty damn hot nonetheless. Too bad she's so crazy] Kensuke had a nice inward chuckle at himself after his last thought. [Yah, like I'm not weird either.]

            "Anyway, Rei, do you know where Shinji is?"

            "I do not."

            "Okey doke. No problem. So I guess I'll talk to ya later then," Kensuke said as they entered their classroom and found their seats.

* * *

  


            Toji Suzahara quietly watched Hikari Horaki as she performed her class rep duties. He was trying to concentrate on her image, and not the whispers that he could hear behind him. Toji knew, or believed he knew, exactly what they were talking about: His arm. They were pointing at the black barcode. Toji tried to take a deep breath, and found soon after that he had broken his pencil in his clenched palm. The pencil slowly rolled out of his palm and on to the floor, clattering as it hit the ground.

* * *

  


            "Shinji…don't go."

            Shinji Ikari heard her words, and he stopped walking. He found that he was breathing heavily, as if his body weighed more than normal. [Asuka. What do you want from me?] The third child slowly turned his head to the right so that he could see her on the couch behind him again.

* * *

  


            Asuka Langley Soryu watched Shinji Ikari slowly turn his head to look back at her. She had his attention again; he was listening. [don't back down Asuka. Don't do it.]

            "Please…come back," she said, her voice audible, though no louder than a whisper.

            She watched intently as he began to slowly turn completely and begin the short journey back to the couch. His eyes still held their expression of pain, and his features were showing it now to an extent. Asuka became aware that she was holding her breath, and quickly released it. Moments later Shinji sat once again.

            "Shinji, why were you standing in the road?"

            Asuka watched as the boy tensed up at the question.

            "I don-"

            "Please, Shinji don't lie to me."

* * *

  


            Shinji found himself taken back by the red head's words. [don't lie? Asuka please, what are you doing to me. Run. I should run. I can't. Yes, I can, I can always run.]

            Shinji moved his feet in an effort to stand up.

            "No! Please…don't," Asuka said as she grabbed his arm. Shinji could see the shadows of tears in her eyes.

            [Tears? Why are you crying? Don't cry. Please. I hate it when you cry. Oh God…let go of my arm. Please for the love of god just let go, Asuka. Please…let me run.]

            "Shinji!" Asuka said, still grabbing Shinji's arm, "Why were you standing in the street?"

            [why? Why do you want to know? Do you care? No. Why would you? No one cares about me. Kaworu. You were the only one and you lied to me. You betrayed me. The question. Answer it.]

            "It was a beautiful day…the sky was blue…the sun was shining...birds were singing…it was…just…a good day to die. I have nothing else left to live for," Shinji said.

* * *

  


            Asuka Langley Soryu felt his words linger in the air. [You wanted do die? Why? Don't die, Shinji…you still have… me. But you don't remember it. What happened that night. You let me live. You could have killed me but you didn't. Something stopped you. You were hoping for something. And then I…I touched your face. Love. Was it love? Do I love you?] Asuka thought.

            "Shinji! That's not true," Asuka said.

* * *

  


            "What do you mean Asuka? How is it not true! I have nothing; I have no one. No one would care if I died. There aren't even any Angels anymore! I am worthless. I can't even be used now. I can't even be manipulated! I have nothing and no one!"

            [it hurts. Why does it have to hurt so much? I hate this. Why are you asking me these things? It hurts. Run.]

            The third child stood from the couch and started to walk away.

* * *

  


            [Don't let him go. Don't let him go. Don't let him go. Don't let him go.]

            "Shinji, you have me."

            She watched as the third child turned. His eyes were fierce.

            "Liar."

            "No, Shinji…" Asuka began to walk towards the third child. She ignored the horrible pain in her ankle.

            "Stop it. Don't lie to me," Shinji said as he backed farther away.

            "I'm not lying," Asuka said.

            Asuka reached her arms around him, leaning in towards his face. Then she felt a slight shove as she was pushed away.

            "Don't come near me."

            "Shinji please…"

            "NO! You don't think I remember? Your kisses mean nothing; they have nothing. Nothing but poison."

* * *

  


            Asuka Langley Soryu could feel her rage building, though, on the inside, she could sense that she was coming to tears. [Don't let it out. Don't let it out.]

            "Baka! How dare you! How dare you pretend like you don't like it," she said

            "Shut up! I hate you! Go away!"

            "Why? What are you going to do if I don't? Huh Shinji? What will you do?"

            "Maybe I'll kill you!"

            "No. You won't!"

            "You Bitch. Don't tell me what I won't do! I could've killed myself today if you hadn't stopped me. What makes you think I won't kill you?" Shinji said.

            "Because you couldn't kill me before either!"

            "What are you talking about?"

            "You won't kill me, because you love me!"

* * *

  


            Shinji Ikari stared at the girl before him. Her breath was long and ragged from yelling, as was his own. Her final words echoed through his consciousness. "You won't kill me, because you love me!" Shinji closed his eyes. He could see a beach; a beach covered in white sand; a beach bathed in an ocean of blood. [No! not again. This isn't real.]

            Shinji watched as he gripped Asuka's throat as she lay there upon the sand. But things were different now. He was lying on the floor in the kitchen. There was hot coffee burning his skin. Asuka was there. She was alive. She was hugging him. Blood covered the floor.

            "NO!" Shinji screamed as he used every part of his consciousness to rip his own eyelids open again [that's not real!] Then, his mind became clear and he could see normally again. Asuka was standing before him with a concerned look on her face.

 Shinji soon realized that he was falling. He watched Asuka's lips move as he collapsed backward, though he could not make out what she was saying. He felt his head hit the floor; he felt the pain flood his senses. But he was no longer alone. She was on top of him. He could feel her kissing him again. It was a feeling of intensity; a rush like no other. This was different. It was not like before. Warmth. No, it was more like fire, burning throughout his being. [Why? Why is this happening? I don't understand.] Shinji suddenly found that he didn't care. It didn't matter that he did not understand. All that mattered was her.

* * *

  


[Shinji! Please show me! Let me know if you really love me!] Asuka moved her lips, grabbing at those of the third child. He was not fighting her, but he wasn't embracing her either. Asuka reached her arm behind his back and pulled him closer, letting her breasts push against his chest. [please Shinji. I'm not lying to you. If you love me please, open up to me. Let it go. I'm trying, please, I'm trying so hard. Don't die! I'm still here for you!]

Suddenly Asuka could feel his arms move; she could feel them wrap around her back. Now he was returning the kiss, throwing her intensity back at her. Warmth. Fire. It began to flood her, spilling through her blood and moving throughout her body. Suddenly nothing mattered. Nothing at all. All that mattered was him. [yes] Asuka could feel the floor moving. No, she was rolling. Shinji was above her now. She let her right hand slide from its grip upon his back to the back of his head and his hair. She could feel his mouth begin to move away from her own; Asuka licked at his lips as they were slowly pulled away.

The second child slowly opened her eyes to behold the face of the third child mere inches from her own. She was panting, the warmth, the fire, still pulsing in her veins. A slight smile grasped at her features and curled nigh imperceptibly at her lips. She stared completely into Shinji's eyes, becoming lost in their blue glow. Asuka found that she had never felt anything quite like this before. [Is this love?]

* * *

  


Shinji Ikari felt her beneath him; the subtle movement of her chest pushing up against his weight with every breath. She was breathing heavily, and he soon found that he was as well. Shinji watched as a faint smile curled the lips of the second child. What had happened? One moment he had told her that he would kill her, the next she was passionately kissing him upon the ground. Again Shinji found that he hardly cared about his own thoughts; only the moment itself was important. [Is this love?]

Shinji soon felt the pull of her arms upon him again, and once again the rush came. Or had it left? It didn't matter. Nothing mattered but her. [Netsuai]

* * *

  


            Asuka Langley Soryu again pulled the third child down upon her; again she felt her lips upon his. [this feeling…] Asuka felt Shinji again pull her tighter. The second child felt herself let out a soft moan. [Why did I make that noise? Does it matter?] Asuka felt herself becoming lost in the moment again. She slowly moved her right hand up to the side of his face, allowing it to play softly with his hair and cheek. [Lieben]

* * *

  


            Shinji Ikari could feel her hand on the side of his face. It moved slowly; up and down; her nails tracing softly upon his skin. Shinji could feel the strangest sensation of Déjà vu. [This feeling…] Shinji opened his eyes slightly, observing the beautiful girl beneath him. [Is this why I live? For her? Is she…my salvation?]


	8. Netsuai   Lieben

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion. All characters and other related material is the property of Gainax

Netsuai   /   Lieben                                                                                                      Love

Shinji Ikari slowly pulled away from the lips of the second child. He moved himself into a sitting position on the floor and slowly pushed himself backward until his back rested against the bottom of the couch. His eyes never strayed from the body of Asuka Langley Soryu during this action. He watched her as she too slowly sat up in a sitting position with her back resting up against the wall. [How did this happen?] His thoughts paused for a moment before his mind sent him a response. [you don't care]. Shinji agreed with himself.

            "So…what now?"

            Shinji watched as Asuka smiled.

            "Why don't we take a walk?"

            "Um, okay," Shinji said in agreement.

            He stood slowly from where he sat on the floor. [Asuka is on the ground. Help her up] Shinji then extended his hand down to the German girl.

***********************************************************************

            Asuka Langley Soryu watched the hand of the third child extend itself down towards her. She grasped it, and subsequently felt the force exerted to lift her in the tension felt upon her skin. Soon she was standing, and after a few more moments she found herself walking out of the apartment door with Shinji in tow. When they reached the street they began to walk, neither truly knowing where they were headed, but at the same time neither seemed to care. Eventually they reached a park bench overlooking one of the many new lakes of Tokyo-3.

            It was at this point that Shinji began to speak.

            "I…I think that I am happy, Asuka. I am feeling something that I can't recall feeling before."

            "Love?"

            Shinji nodded, while Asuka looked out towards the sunset.

            "Shinji, I know this wasn't easy for either of us to do, and I don't want to lose it."

            Shinji nodded again.

            "I never want to lose you."

            Asuka turned to look the Japanese boy in the face. She had never seen an expression on anyone as serious as the one Shinji now bore. 

            "Well, if this is true love, then we were meant to be together right?" Asuka said.

            Shinji gave no response to this question. There were so many factors in life; so many little things that affected ones life. As much as he hoped to be with Asuka forever, he knew that it might not happen.

            "Then we don't have to worry about anything," Asuka continued, "If this is real then…"

            Shinji nodded, bringing a silence to Asuka's words.

            "I've never felt anything more real in my entire life."

            Asuka swallowed, but found that the lump in her throat was making it difficult.

            "Shinji…"

            The German girl leaned her head on the shoulder of the third child, and found that there was no other place in the world that she would rather be.

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            Shinji Ikari stared out into the distance as he felt the weight of the second child's head upon his shoulder. He moved his right arm up and wrapped it around her slightly shivering frame.

            The light of the day was fading quickly, and Shinji found himself watching the small lake waves land upon the shore. He felt different; at peace with himself. It was something that the third child had longed for a great time. In truth, a small part of Shinji Ikari had died that day; gone with the fading light, and the reflections upon the water.


End file.
